THEATER REVIEW- Xenu is Loose!!

“Xenu is Loose! Cower puny Humans as the Dark Prince of the Galactic Federation rains Atomic Death once more upon your Pitiful Planet - The Musical!”

The best part of this show is a straight toss-up between its title, and the moments in which I anticipated the lights dimming…a joyful interval in which I imagined all of the wonderful jokes and songs a show with such a great title might include. Unfortunately, even cheeseball humour and mockery can be botched, a skill only comparable to that of my high school cafeteria--- which was the first to discover a way to ruin even cartons of pre-packaged milk (maybe I should turn this into a play?). The entire show lacked the energy, dialogue, humour, musical talent (huge loss, considering it was a musical) and all-out enthusiasm of classic B-movie favourites. I laughed regularly out of self-pity and at the two plain-clothes guitarists on either end of the stage; they were ridiculous bookends for the elaborate laser-tag game that unfolded.

This show is ridiculously fun to be indignant about and has created a sort of bond among all of its victims. Check out hilarious audience reviews here ....one even describes the experience as‘out of time, out of place, out of tune mind rape’!

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THEATER REVIEW- Crave

Four characters in various stages of nervous desperation and breakdown speak past each other in emotional spurts for 45 minutes, which felt like walking in on somebody else's two-hour therapy session (how much are we paying for this again?). I might have been tired going in, but I was utterly exhausted on the way out. The staging was Spartan and consisted of primarily shuffling chairs and crossing from one side of the floor to the other, in what was a grateful attempt at variety from misery. Sarah Kane’s script has been largely praised for its depth and resonance (it is with this play that she lost faith in love), but though the performances were heartfelt, the script may deserve a different adaptation or perhaps just a level of maturity and appreciation for the expressionist modern-theatre that I have yet to attain. Other reviews point out that if you were bored, then you have missed the point of the lyrical rhythm of the interwoven dialogues…in my defence, this was exactly the kind of rhythm that lulled me into sedation.

This is a sad moment in my life; I now know that I will never be truly high-brow.

Still, my personal takeaway high was the monologue on love in the middle of the piece, it was stand-alone beautiful (actor Edward Rice was killer). The show was received by a mixed audience, this is one you’ll either love, hate, or learn to grudgingly appreciate … with time, perspective, and a shot of espresso, I did exactly that.

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