Word Play

I am cursed to not only with the traditional pain of thinking of comebacks too late, but also witty things that “I could have said to be funny” will hit me, only after the relevant situation has disappeared from view. This sad burden is one that keeps me from achieving my full potential as a funny, delightful, beloved, party-favorite individual that I know is somewhere inside.

But then I remember, at all hours of the day and night, that I am now the proud owner of a blog! It is a way to turn back time and relive the glory days that could have been, but never were:

Scene: Man in full-body bread costume sitting down exhausted, sipping a coke.

I should have said: “Oh hey, you look absolutely toasted!”

He would have: laughed.
I would have: smiled.
We would have: been blissfully sandwiched together.





Scene: Eight year-old with blue eye shadow, ruby red lips, powdering her nose.

I should have said: "When I was your age, I was making believe, not up."

She would have: been confused.
I would have: looked patronizingly critical.
We would have: been separated by the equally be-decked mother bear.