Typecast

While out of the country, try to avoid:

Self-righteous ex-patriots:

These are typically University students who think that they’ve somehow managed to solve all of the world’s ills by studying abroad, shopping at thrift stores, and figuring out how many generations they have to trace their family lineage back to count themselves European.

Self-loathing Americans:

American tourists with maple leaf luggage patches.

(I think they're afraid of what the BBC calls anti-American racism)

People who have actually bought the “Bush is Wanker” t-shirts:

Proceeds go straight toward Al-Qaeda training camps.

Anyone who has ever seen “Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?”

Despite its completely representative sample size population and scientifically valid testing, it is not an undercover exposé on American retardation. These “jokesters” will mock you with brain-twister questions like, “Do you even know where Mexico is?” The only defense is to grin and bear it, “No idea, but the giant turd I left in your bathroom looks a little bit like Chile.”

Bathroom Humor is soooooo international.

Football Fans

No, you stupid ugly American! NOT the kind where boys throw an oddly shaped pig and hide their homoerotic tendencies, but REAL football. It is the great, elegant, all-consuming ballet of spirit, passion, and testosterone-induced head butting. While you only figure out how to pat ass, we give head! And now you have adopted washed-out pretty-boy David Beckham. Bah and good riddance. We needed him almost as a spice rack needs Posh.