Sexual Healing

I was idly flipping through July issue of “Look” magazine, the UK’s fashion/gossip-rag version of People and Allure, when my eyes stopped on the most alarming exposé: “Sexual Anorexia: The Secret New Epidemic.”

Young women in their 20’s across Britain are declining, and even taking measures to avoid, sex. Described as a “worrying new trend,” sexual anorexia apparently afflicts 72% of all women with sexual problems and who knows how many more uncounted are out there on the streets…not getting the help they need. Think about them the next time you take it, in, for granted.

Dr. Patrick Carnes is the brave pioneer who discovered, named, and has now, bless him, generous written a book to educate the world about this atrocious disorder. Though nothing was written about Mrs. Patrick Carnes, I am sure that she is as grateful to her husband as the rest of us are. Poor women, she probably thought there was something wrong with the marriage, instead of just with her head. It must be frightening to think that your own mind and body can betray your TRUE feelings. Everything screams “no, no, no” sex, but you are simply disordered, starved for sex, so hungry for it…what you really mean is “yes, yes, yes.”

Why isn’t the popular media covering this? I see nothing on CNN, FOX or BBC. Do you think it’s a conspiracy orchestrated by gay men who want women out of the picture? Is it contagious? Can the “not tonight” disorder leap the pond and afflict hearty, up-for-anything, American women? I think the question on everyone’s mind is whether or not Posh Spice is a carrier?

This is serious! I mean, did you already know about sexual anorexia? Are they teaching the signs of it in schools? I want my daughter, and my neighbor’s daughter, and all the girls across the world to know how to treat dreadful cases of “I don’t want to have sex” disease. Personally, I think the first step is a positive attitude: there’s no such thing as “I can’t” only “I won’t.”

If that doesn’t work, some psychiatric medications can be even more convincing.

In fact, I want to know how early we can start making diagnoses. I am convinced that we would cut the number of young skateboarders, loiterers, and masturbators by half, if only their girlfriends weren’t all so terribly afflicted. In my day, young women knew the meaning of “responsibility”! I really fear that this generation, will be the last.

Joelle Beauchamp, 26, from East London is a recovering sexual anorexic. Her story made me want to cry. After she broke up with her boyfriend, she didn’t want to have sex with the men who asked her out on dates. Finally, she confessed what was (not) happening to a close friend. This is a direct quote from Joelle on that conversation, as featured in “Look” magazine:

“She suggested that I just have sex for fun at first, to ease myself into it. I knew she was right and I had to break the cycle, so finally, I managed to sleep with someone after a few dates. Physically, it was great, but I felt emotionally detached the whole time, and afterwards I had to get out and go somewhere to be alone…”

May we all have such good friends as Joelle. That friend knew how to spot prudish excuses and stepped right in to set her friend straight. Sexual anorexia apologetics often take the form of:

“I’m just not attracted to him.”

“We have nothing in common.”

“He has ‘the Clap’”

If you hear any of your friends using these lines, it is a clear sign of disturbance and may even mean the worst. Intervene yourself when possible, remember that your friend trusts and values your opinion, but admit when you’re in over your head and a trained professional needs to be called in for consultation.

I am so glad that I have come to the United Kingdom, read this article, learned about sexual anorexia disorder, and dedicated myself to fighting its effects; because after all, without a good fuck, none of us would be here today.